I had a sweet moment with my mom over the weekend, and she didn’t even know it.
We were at dinner- it was totally unplanned and last minute, but I had some free time and wanted to say hello to my parents. (Also, deep down, I believe every child is secretly hoping to score free food.)
We met at Casa Azteca in Milpitas (insert joke here), and just as we were finishing our meals, my mom presented me with a plastic bag. At this point, I almost expect a plastic bag every time I see them. It’s usually stuff I forgot at the house, old mail, or maybe something my mom cooked that she wants me to try.
This time was no different, but I noticed something so sweet in her delivery that the image stuck with me all night. First, she pulled out a DVD.
"Sandra- you don’t have to take this if you don’t want to, but Daddy has two of them."
It was "A Fish Called Wanda" DVD. I had no desire to own it, but since my Dad had two, I took it. I’m actually still laughing that out of all movies out there, he somehow purchased "A Fish Called Wanda" TWICE. (Next week I’m hoping for "Uncle Buck.")
Then, she pulled out a plastic bag of cherries. "I’ve got some cherries for you," she said, reassuringly, "And also…. I made some brownies."
Just as she said that, she held a small plastic container with 4 chocolate brownies inside.
"They’re really good!" My dad exclaimed from across the table.
"There’s 2 plain chocolate ones and 2 chocolate ones without nuts," she said looking down at them. "I know you don’t like nuts…but I like them and they’re really good."
And just as she opened the container- for a split second- I saw so many emotions in my mom’s eyes that I almost wanted to cry. I saw her caring about my wanting to be fit, and being scared to give me the brownies. I saw slight hesitation as she lifted the container out of the bag. Her voice softened, her eyes anticipated, and somehow, I literally felt my mom hoping and wishing for my acceptance.
I thought back to an hour earlier, when I caught them both up on my life, and my day. I told them about the Abraham Hicks seminar I went to in Millbrae, the Law of Attraction, spirituality, being in my vortex, etc. They could relate to none of that.
I talked about a beautiful woman I met who works at The Kundalini Yoga Center in San Francisco and how I can’t wait to try it out. They had no idea what I was talking about.
I talked about my radio job, websites I’m working on, how Instagram works, people who have retweeted me, etc. None of this is stuff they have any interest in.
Yet, it’s who I am.
And for a split second, as she showed me the brownies, I really felt something in her eyes say, "I hope you like this. This is how I’m showing you I love you… because it’s the only way I know how."
And it was beautiful. It was a silent, respectful, flash of recognition. Recognition that I am growing into my own person, and even if it’s someone they can’t relate to in many ways, I am still their daughter, and I am still loved. Unconditionally.
I love you mommy.