I haven't talked a lot about this on the air lately, but I've been working really hard "behind the scenes" on personal growth. Specifically, self-love, confidence, self-esteem, and....dating. I'm actually really grateful, because in June of this year I broke it off with someone I totally fell for. It SHATTERED me. I cried every day for 4 months. On vacation. Before I went to sleep. In the middle of the day. In my car. At work. I'd cry to strangers. Listeners. Friends. I'm actually just now- over the last month or so- starting to not be so sad about it.
But I wondered to myself...."Why does this hurt so bad? Why do I feel so lost?" And so, it started: my real journey into self-love, self-worth, and self-esteem. I've had to evaluate why I get into certain dating situations. "Why are the highs so high, and the lows so low?" I'd ask myself. Why do I get obsessed and fixate on ONE person? Why are my moods based on how things are going with him? Why, when it crashes and burns, do I say "fuck it" and keep going with this repetitive, unhealthy cycle?
And so, in meeting with a professional, being involved with a women's coaching group, writing, and really getting honest with myself.....I've learned the following things:
* My self-worth was always wrapped up in whoever I was seeing/interested in/talking to at the moment.
* Ever since I was young, I had a HORRIFIC self-esteem. Always thought I was "fat." Undesirable. If a man was attracted to me....I somehow "fooled him." Soon, he'd figure out that I was disgusting and not "one of the cute skinny girls."
* My approach to love/dating was coming from a "scarcity" point of view: "What if I don't meet anyone else? What if this is it?" I literally assumed "no one else" would love me or like me if the current situation didn't work out.
And it goes on, and on.
- (Enjoying a sunrise in Bryce Canyon,Utah; October 29th, 2017. Nature makes me happy!)
Over this recent weekend, I had a 4 hour drive home from Reno (I had a show in Carson City- I'm a stand-up comedian!) and decided to listen to a coaching call from my women's group. Between that and some great advice from a friend....I had some HUGE epiphanies!
* I need to QUEEN UP. If I am going to attract a "king", I need to know my worth, my value, and not settle. I cannot have the same attitude I've had for the last 36 years. It MUST change if I want different results. Would a "queen" sit around waiting for a text back from someone? Be upset if he hasn't manned up and asked her out? NO. She'd live her life. Have fun with friends. Do her thing. And if a man isn't pursuing her to the level she wants/deserves....NEXT!
* NEXT!!! Omg, this was HUGE. I don't need to entertain people who aren't showing me the time and effort I deserve. NEXT! It doesn't mean they're "bad" or wrong. Maybe they're not relationship ready. Maybe they've got their own things they're working on. Either way.....next! I deserve a man that IS available, relationship-ready, and wants to pursue me. In time, the RIGHT one will show up. But I have to have faith. In time....and MYSELF.
* RELAX. I've been SO hyper-focused on "Why isn't he planning the date? Doesn't he care about my schedule? Doesn't he know I'm busy?" that this actually REPELS men! Nobody wants to deal with a spastic energy like that. So.....I'm not gonna worry about it anymore. I'm gonna continue to live my life, and "Queen Up." Enjoy my life. Be feminine. Not worry. Just "flow....." which is what life is all about, isn't it? Besides, if I were to meet someone special, I'd certainly want it to be organic and not forced.
So.....that's the latest. I feel freer, and happier. I wish I could describe how this feels in my heart. It just feels "light." Effortless. And really damn nice. I told my friend the other day (re: personal growth) "This is hardass work, but the calm after the storm is worth it."
And it really, really is.
Sandy (@SandyStec on FB, IG and Twitter)
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS ON-AIR....HIT THE "PLAY" BUTTON BELOW TO LISTEN!